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The 52 Worst Films of the 2000s

Movies You Aught Not Watch: The Fourth Kind

Movies You Aught Not Watch is Nick Rogers’ weekly, alphabetical look back at the 52 worst films of 2000-2009.

“The Fourth Kind”
Rated PG-13
2009

If there were a low point of viral movie marketing last decade, consider 2009’s “The Fourth Kind” the Marianas Trench.

This smugly self-congratulatory, perilously slow, clumsily scripted tale of alien abduction presented itself as a reenactment of events supported by “factual” audiovisual evidence.

Star Milla Jovovich directly addresses the audience at the outset, saying, “Some of what you are about to see is extremely disturbing.” If by that Jovovich means a “true-life” horror film dumber and more dubious than “White Noise,” “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” and “The Haunting of Connecticut” combined, right on.

The title refers to the four levels of alien interaction, and the pedestrian plotting on display proved that Steven Spielberg stopped at the right one. Jovovich plays Dr. Abigail Tyler, a supposedly real person whose sleep study in Nome, Alaska supposedly uncovered an ancient alien’s abduction activity.

“The Fourth Kind” is what happens when executives get viral-marketing fever, hallucinating dollar signs behind flimsy premises. “ACTUAL AUDIO” and “ACTUAL VIDEO” are stamped over distorted footage. If someone slapped a “REAL DIAMONDS” sticker on a 25-cent plastic ring from a vending machine, you’d call shenanigans, too.

If co-writer/director Olatunde Osunsanmi’s “found” footage was filmed in 2000, as time codes suggest, it clearly was a student-film precursor to this feature-length nonsense. And, in an era of balloon boys and “Paranormal Activity” (a comparative gem), Osunsanmi should’ve concocted a hookier hoax or a climactic “twist” that made one iota of sense. The truth is out there: This was awful.

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5 Responses to “Movies You Aught Not Watch: The Fourth Kind”

  1. Nick Rogers says:

    Joe: Again, as I always say, I’m glad that people enjoyed the movie if spent their money and time to see it. And you’re not an idiot. If the movie worked for you, it worked for you. It just didn’t for me, in a major way. Thanks for reading!

    G.: I loved "The Blair Witch Project," but pretty much every film since then that’s attempted the same format has fallen flat. I wasn’t a big fan of "Paranormal Activity," either, but this film’s release-date proximity made that one look like a masterpiece by comparison. Thanks for reading!

  2. G. says:

    ugh, this movie was a colossal bore and totally pointless. I loathe this type of "scary" movie that tries to pass itself off as authentic.

  3. Joe says:

    Well, to each their own, I thought it had some seriously chilling moments. I am however diasapionted that I got dupped into thinking it was based on actual events. What an idiot…I should know better. Maybe thats why I got chills, because I believed it…

  4. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Nick Rogers, The Film Yap. The Film Yap said: I'm actress Milla Jovovich and I will be playing Dr. Abigail Tyler. http://bit.ly/bFL1eI #worstfilmsofthedecade #moviesyouaughtnotwatch [...]