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The 52 Worst Films of the 2000s

Movies You Aught Not Watch: Strange Wilderness

Movies You Aught Not Watch is Nick Rogers’ weekly, alphabetical look back at the 52 worst films of 2000-2009.

“Strange Wilderness”
Rated R
2008

2008’s “Strange Wilderness” is not really a film. It’s the Zeroes’ cruelest cinematic practical joke of which anyone unfortunate enough to watch becomes the raw, red, grossly violated butt.

It’s an affront to joy best chalked up to a dare by producer Adam Sandler — one gauging the limit on how putrid a product he got a studio to swallow, then push through its colon, based solely on his name.

“Wilderness” is rated R for non-stop language. It is, in fact, profane that no one stops talking for 84 agonizing minutes.

In a “script” by Peter Gaulke and Fred Wolf seemingly written on condensation-soaked cocktail napkins, Steve Zahn and Allen Covert are Peter Gaulke and Fred Wolf. It’s spot-on surrogacy: Talentless, humorless, delusional ass-clowns. They’re hunting Bigfoot to save their failing wilderness show.

Saying laughter proves as elusive as Bigfoot suggests that laughs aren’t altogether extinct.

Zahn jerks off the neck of a turkey attached to his hog. People vomit into a shark’s mouth. The name Dick — not last-name Harder or Smalls, just Dick — is guffawed at for two solid minutes. And those claiming “Miss March” boasts the Zeroes’ most horrifying close-up of scrotal trauma have mercifully scrubbed Robert Patrick’s cameo from their minds.

Any resemblance to comedy is purely coincidental and unintentional. The only reason to even chuckle is to prove you haven’t died while watching it. Its credits should be handed to a mercenary. Again, it’s not a film. Consider it, then, the Zeroes’ worst pop-culture excretion.

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13 Responses to “Movies You Aught Not Watch: Strange Wilderness”

  1. Simon says:

    Dear God, why is anyone foolish enough to watch it in the first place? Did they not watch the trailer? Based on that (and assuming the trailer was meant to show highlights and make us want to watch the film, rather than the very worst bits in order to deter us) I wouldn’t subject myself to this shite if the cinema paid me the ticket price instead of the other way around. To pay for it is madness. If you did, you got what you deserved.

  2. Craig Patterson says:

    I laughed really hard at this movie. I haven’t seen it in quite a few years but I still remember the real big fish laughing over and over again which I found incredibly amusing and still reference with my friends. It’s really not the worst stupid comedy ever. If it’s three in the morning and you’re real slap happy though, have at it!

  3. Corey Miller says:

    Is it wrong to say that I actually kind of liked it? Just a smidge. I didn’t think it was all that great but I have watched bits of it when it’s been on Comedy Central.

  4. Danielle Lienau says:

    I won’t have a problem not watching these movies. They were never on my radar to begin with.

  5. Janet says:

    Regardless that this movie makes a "worst films" list, I would watch anything with Steve Zahn in it. He plays my favorite character in HBO’s "Treme." Sweet, sexy, funny.

  6. Nick Rogers says:

    Joe: Unless you hate life, there’s no reason to see "Strange Wilderness" if you haven’t already. And there were certainly a few sluggish episodes of "Whitest Kids," but overall, I liked what I saw.

    Isaac: That’s the scene from which the photo above was taken. I’m glad *someone* laughed at it. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  7. Isaac says:

    You’re right, this movie was really dumb and a major disappointment when it came out. There was only one time that I laughed, and I laughed hard.
    *Spoiler* At the end, when they finally find bigfoot, they just freak out and riddle him with bullets him was hysterical.

  8. Joe Shearer says:

    "A handful"? Nick, that’s a bit generous. Okay, yes, a toddler’s handful, which if you’re my 2-year-old son, is probably STILL too generous. I saw one episode of the Whitest Kids and wasn’t impressed, but y’know. Maybe a bad episode. Definitely a bad movie. Haven’t seen this one, though.

  9. Nick Rogers says:

    Matt: There were a handful of legitimate laughs in "Miss March." A toddler’s handful, perhaps, but still more than "Strange Wilderness." If you haven’t, I’d encourage you to check out "The Whitest Kids U’ Know," the comedy troupe with "Miss March" stars Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore that had a show on IFC. It’s far better than "Miss March." Thanks for reading and commenting!

  10. Matt A. says:

    Completely agree. so many actors i like and the movie is complete crap. i liked the comparison to Miss March, both movies are awful, but i think i’d have to like Miss March more just because of the somewhat good expectations i had for Wilderness.

  11. Nick Rogers says:

    Amanda: I don’t know. I usually find at least one thing to like, no matter how minuscule, even in a movie I hate — a performance, a throwaway one-liner, a cool flash of cinematography, even just a song I enjoy. There was none of that in "Strange Wilderness" for me, just a generous amount of often-funny people in a depressingly unfunny film. I’m glad Ernest Borgnine survived to make movies beyond this one so it wasn’t his last. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  12. Amanda says:

    It was definitely stupid, but as far as stupid comedies go, there have been a lot worse.

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