DVD ReviewsRating: 1.5 of 5 yaps

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” is the sequel to 2009’s “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.” I hadn’t seen the 2009 version, but after watching this latest release, I may have to do that. It was a fun, nostalgic watch. I grew up in the ’80s and watched the “G.I. Joe” cartoon series (1985-1986), so my review may be skewed because of my inner child.

In no way, shape, or form is this is a “good movie” because by definition, it’s not. It’s predictable and suffers from a lot of developments my adult brain deems “not believable.”  The characters in this movie are amplified: villains want complete world domination, and the heroes are the best sharpshooters and hand-to-hand combatants in the world. Watching the movie was a battle between Adult Mo and Child Mo. An example:

In one scene, lead character Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) takes the remaining members of his G.I. Joe team to the house of the original, retired G.I. Joe (Bruce Willis). After convincing Willis’ character to join them in the fight against Team Cobra, they begin to arm to the teeth by going through the home and loading up with weapons.

Willis’ character lifts the stovetop to reveal an arsenal underneath,  swivels false shelves in his pantry that conceal a variety of automatics and handguns,  pulls grenades from the fruit basket on the counter, etc., etc. This goes on for an extended period of time, and more weapons are pulled from every orifice of the home while rock music plays in the background.

Child Mo: Oh. My. God. This battle is going to be epic! I can’t wait for Team Cobra to get a load of this.

Adult Mo: Oh. My. God. How was Bruce Willis ever living in this house? There is absolutely no practicality to this home whatsoever. Nothing is usable. What would happen if he had guests, for instance, and they accidentally pulled a grenade from the fruit basket? Come on, bro!

If I was still between the ages of 8 to 13, this would probably be my new favorite movie. At that age, you’re still able to suspend your disbelief and accept everything that the movie gives you without asking those “adult” questions.

So, my recommendation for buying and/or renting this DVD or Blu-Ray, would be this:  Do so if, and only if, you fall into one of the following categories:

  1. You watched “G.I. Joe” as a kid and want to relive your childhood memories.
  2. You have the ability to suspend your adult disbelief.
  3. You have a kid between the ages of 8 and 13 with whom you could share the moment.

You definitely DON’T want to rent this movie if you fall into the following categories:

  1. You’re looking for a movie to watch with your girlfriend/wife (unless your girlfriend/wife was one of the minority of girls that played with G.I. Joe instead of Barbie).
  2. You take movies too seriously and are looking for future Oscar winners.

Child Mo: 5 Yaps
Adult Mo: 1.5 Yaps
Extras: 4 Yaps

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