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The Schlock VaultRating: 1.5 of 5 yaps

Curse of the Dragon Slayer

Curse of the Dragon Slayer interior photo

“Curse of the Dragon Slayer” appears to be little more than yet another grasp at capitalizing upon the popularity of such fantasy epics as “The Lord of the Rings” and, to a lesser extent, “Game of Thrones.”  It’s Schlocky, it’s low-budget, it’s anti-adventure.

I’m not particularly sure on the legalities of using the likeness of orcs (and even referring to them as such), but one thing is for sure: At least Tolkien isn’t alive to witness this crime against his visionary brilliance. The plot is a hackneyed mishmash of “LOTR” characters and “Dungeons and Dragons” mythology. There’s little in the way of thrills and heart-pounding action to be had here.

The film starts by pitting three unlikely parties together: an elven bounty huntress (Nemyt), a human named Keltus with seemingly little in the way of fighting skills and a former orc leader gone rogue named Kulliman. The three must ban together to unleash the God of the Undead in order to thwart the malevolent Order of the Shadow.

That all sounds well and good, but at no point is there a single thrilling plot twist or thrilling battle-heavy sequence. Much of “Curse of the Dragon Slayer” is hinged upon tales of ancient dark forces and restoring the order of good. All talk and little action calls for one snoozefest of a time.

The only singular beacon of hope lies in the outstanding costume and makeup effects. The orcs look as menacing as anything Peter Jackson has put together, and the various array of other creatures look spot-on as well. Everything from elves and mermaids, to dwarfs and hulking abominations — all expertly conceived down to the finest detail. It’s refreshing to see a low-budget fantasy film not completely dependent upon CGI effects. Unfortunately, it was all for naught.

As keen as the special effects may be, there simply isn’t a story worth telling here. I revel in the stench of a poorly conceived movie, but “Curse of the Dragon” is not funny bad, it’s just painfully boring. Never have I checked the timestamp of a movie so often in my life. It’s basically a neverending series of uneventful plot twists culminating in what can best be described as an anti-adventure film. The only fantasy elements present are ripped off from various other movies with far more relevance and originality.

“Curse of the Dragon Slayer” is coming to a Redbox near you. You’ve been warned.

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