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Case 39

by on January 2, 2011
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Things that are not believable in the shelved-for-more-than-two-years turkey “Case 39:”

1.  Renee Zellweger as a social worker.

2.  Bradley Cooper as a psychologist.

3.  Anyone under 65 still owning a rotary phone.

4.  That this movie went to theaters at all, rather than the direct-to-DVD $2 bin at Walgreens.

It’s a tale as old as (Life)time: sympathetic thirtysomething lady with a past cares for chirpy moppet with a dark side, with disastrous results and a body count. In the case of “Case 39,” Zellweger’s sympathetic lady has a really attractive yet platonic friend (Bradley Cooper) and a staunch cop buddy (Ian McShane, camping it up as much or more as he did in the far more entertaining “Hot Rod”). Oh, and there’s a religious angle: 10-year-old Lilith (Jodelle Ferland, best known for playing Bree in “Eclipse”), of the deceitful almond-shaped eyes and parents whose attempt to shove her in a gas oven may not be so crazy after all, is probably Satan’s spawn.

Fun ways to entertain yourself during “Case 39:”

1.  Growl along with the glaringly obvious Horror Movie 101 score.

2.  Correctly guess when a character will repeat a line like “Walk the talk” for emphasis.

3.  Forget the demon. Wonder why on Earth an independent woman with her own home and career would take in a child with such an annoying voice.

DVD extras include making-of featurettes and deleted scenes.

Genuine scares not included.

Movie: 1/2 Yap (because Cooper writhes around shirtless for a few minutes)

Extras: 0 Yaps