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The Schlock Vault

Reviews of schlocky B-movies.

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3 yaps

Tales from the Darkside (1990)

“Tales From The Darkside” rides the wave of 1980s anthology horror, but the stories seem to be too little, too late despite the “King” and “Romero” tags. Continue reading

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4.5 yaps

The Legend of Hell House (1973)

Filled with sexuality, eerie Gothic imagery and a ghost-on-girl love scene, “The Legend of Hell House” is a top-notch horror classic. Continue reading

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3.5 yaps

Up! (1976)

A bevy of buxom, bountiful babes belittle and bounces its way through a beatific backdrop of baleful Nazis and boisterous bosoms, by golly! Continue reading

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4 yaps

Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)

Everything about “Journey to the Seventh Planet” would land it on most people’s “worst of” list, but those aspects make it right at home in the Schlock Vault. Continue reading

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2.5 yaps

Parents (1989)

“Parents” is a self-proclaimed horror comedy that manages to neither tickle nor horrify. Continue reading

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4 yaps

Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)

In the final film of the Showa era, Godzilla returns to display the badassery that earned him the moniker “The King of the Monsters.” Continue reading

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3 yaps

Assault of the Killer Bimbos (1988)

If Lloyd Kaufman had produced an off-color version of “Thelma and Louise,” “Assault of the Killer Bimbos” would be the hilarious end result. Continue reading

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2.5 yaps

Barracuda (1978)

A weakly plotted conspiracy thriller disguised as a “Jaws” ripoff, “Barracuda” has little in the way of thrills and even less bite. Continue reading

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4.5 yaps

Blood Diner (1987)

I scratch and claw my way to the bottom of a seemingly bottomless barrel, and every now and again I’m rewarded with an insta-schlock gem like “Blood Diner” Continue reading

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4 yaps

Starcrash (1979)

“Starcrash” is a not-so-epic adventure set in space that borrows heavily from another film set in a galaxy far, far away. Continue reading

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