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Bullet to the Head

by on July 30, 2013
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Bullet to the Head Inside

“Bullet to the Head” is a pretty fitting title for Sylvester Stallone’s most current cinematic outing because a bullet to the head was all I wanted by the time the credits rolled.

“Bullet to the Head” is the story of a very unlikely partnership between aging hitman James Bonomo (Sylvester Stallone) and D.C detective Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang). After their respective partners are murdered, Bonomo and Kwon begin a hunt for a common enemy, but as the two dig deeper, they find that their enemy’s power has a much larger reach than either man could’ve imagined.

I’m a child of the ’80s and ’90s, two of the best decades for action movies ever, so when Sylvester Stallone, one of the action movie kings, recently began his return to the genre I was ecstatic. “The Expendables” and its sequel were beautiful love letters to the bloody carnage of the action movies of yore. “Bullet to the Head” is a complete and udder dud. It was the most bored I’ve been in an action movie in … well, I can’t tell you. That’s how long.

Stallone and his supporting cast aren’t to blame for this atrocious piece of garbage. Sly does his signature sneer and stare all while beating the tar out of someone. The role just has his name all over it. Kang is passable as Taylor Kwon. He makes a pretty flat, generic character semi-likeable and almost made me care…almost.

The person I’m most ashamed of is director Walter Hill. This is a man who has directed some really great action movies throughout the best action movie decades, and yet he forces this garbage on moviegoers. The choreography is atrocious, the action never seems to have real purpose and the final duel was just plain dull. I just don’t understand how you get an axe duel wrong, I just don’t. I think “Bullet to the Head” gets my vote for worst movie of the year. There’s absolutely no doubt about it.

I won’t even bore you with the special features because they’re just as unbearable as the film itself.

If you’re looking for a rip-roaring good time filled to the brim with breathtaking action, then you’re barking up the wrong tree with this stinker. You’ve been warned.

Film: 1 Yap
Extras: .5 Yap

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